Man refuses to pay child support, his parents divert money intended for his first home towards the baby instead: "We didn't raise you like this"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Jan 26, 2025 4:00 PM EST

Buying a home is expensive. Everyone knows about mortgages, but there are all sorts of other little fees and expenses that come with buying your first house. Every new house will likely need some sort of big repair by a professional handyman. Even small repairs that you could DIY yourself require tools and materials. When you move into an empty house, you might not realize what sorts of mundane objects do not come included — trash cans, window blinds, garden hoses. If your parents offer to help you out with the cost of your first home, you should do everything in your power not to disappoint them, lest they change their minds.

In our story today, a man refuses to pay child support after his girlfriend gives birth to his daughter. His mother attempts to get his side of his story and is horrified to discover that he simply does not care or want to deal with the situation. And so, just like he financially abandoned his baby, she chose to invest money intended for his first home into his daughter instead. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for giving money set aside for my son to his daughter's mother?

    100 B 18481 446502 L 100 "I was in shock. My husband and I didn't raise either of our boys to be this way. I said even if he doesn't want to physically be present, he still owes child support." 100
    via mykolasosiukin

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My husband and I are fortunate that we were able to not just put our children through college, but also put money aside for their future weddings. As our sons got older, one of them, Frank, told us that he didn't plan on getting married. My husband and I
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 03
    talked about it and decided that when the time came, we would give him money towards the down payment on his first home. We also told our other son that this was an option as well, and he could use the money for either.
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 04
    From ages 20 to 23, Frank dated Nadine. They were pretty serious and according to Frank, he planned to be with her long term. She was very close with our family and even vacationed with us. Then, one day, out of nowhere, he announced that they broke up. He didn't want to talk about why and refused to talk about her period. We weren't sure what was going on, but supported him. Then, a few months later,
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 05
    Nadine reached out to me. She asked if I had Frank's new phone number. I was hesitant to give it to her, as I wasn't sure if he'd want her to have it. That's when she told me that she had recently given birth to Frank's child and couldn't get into contact with him, but she really needed his help. I didn't give her his number but said I would talk to him and get his consent.
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10459666944
    via NataliaDeriabina

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    When I told Frank the news, he wasn't surprised. He said he knew about the baby. I asked if he knew if it was his, did Nadine cheat or something and that's why they broke up? He said no, he knew the baby was his. Nadine isn't the type to cheat. He said that he just doesn't want to be a father. I asked if he thought she baby trapped him. Not because I
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 08
    thought she did but just trying to find any reason for this attitude. He said no, he believes it was a true accident, but he didn't want a baby. I was in shock. My husband and I didn't raise either of our boys to be this way. I said even if he doesn't want to physically be present, he still owes child support. He claims that no, he's not going to pay and Nadine
    via u/MissionCommunity4864

  • He just abandoned her without a second thought or any remorse. It must be horrifying as a mother knowing that your adult son treats women this way and is incapable of taking responsibility.

  • 09
    is too poor to get a lawyer. I told him I was disappointed in him and that he needed to get his act together and be responsible. He was very non- chalant when refusing. I truly didn't recognize the son in front of me.
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 10
    I ended up meeting with Nadine privately. She looked exhausted. She told me that she had been laid off right before finding out she was pregnant and was struggling to find work. She had depleted her savings. On top of it, she was exhausted from caring for the baby. I held the baby and fell in love instantly. I knew we had to help Nadine and my granddaughter. I spoke with some friends and
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10459667200
    via webphotographeer

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    helped Nadine get a job. My husband and I discussed it and decided we would use Frank's wedding/down payment fund on getting a good lawyer for her. One of the first things done was getting a DNA test which proved that yes, the baby is Frank's. And with the lawyer, Nadine was able to get child support out of Frank. At the time, Frank didn't know where the money for the lawyer came from. Nadine asked us not to tell him for the time being, and we agreed.
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 13
    This was all a year ago. My husband and I are very active in Nadine and the baby's lives. Nadine is doing much better. She has a new apartment and the child support has helped her immensely. Frank has barely spoken to us in the time since. He calls
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 14
    us traitors for even wanting to be around Nadine and the baby. He also blamed us for her suing him for child support. We've told him that we are very disappointed in him trying to skip out on his responsibilities and making it so the mother of his child couldn't support their baby.
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 15
    Frank recently came to us and announced he's finally ready to buy his first home. He said he has some money saved up, so combined with what we've put away, he feels he can buy a nice house. We told him that the money isn't there anymore and
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 16
    finally explained why. He became furious. He told us that we had chosen Nadine and the baby over him. We said no, we chose the baby's wellbeing over him. He has now cut us off completely and says that we have chosen this "new family" over him.
    via u/MissionCommunity4864

  • Just like he refused to pay for his child, she chose to cut him off financially. The difference is that he totally deserved it.

  • 17
    Our other son was supportive of us being in the baby's life, but says we were wrong for giving up the money Frank always counted on, on the baby. While we were once confident in our choice, we now wonder if we went too far. Were we wrong?
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 18
    Lilac Datura Ask Frank, "if you don't owe any support to your newborn child, why would you expect us to support our grown adult child?" NTA
    via u/LilacDatura
  • 19
    MissionCommunity4864 OP I never even thought of it this way, but you are absolutely right to frame it this way.
    via u/MissionCommunity4864
  • 20
    ridik_ulass yeah I'd be kicking him out, 1.) poor moral character 2.) his general emotional indifference 3.) clearly no sense of obligation or loyalties to friends, partners or family.
    via u/ridik_ulass
  • 21
    I'd move the ex in instead. if he's not gonna pay child support, he can pay his own rent, bills and life expenses and she can get the easier "ride" instead, at his expense. I'd also pay for that lawyer to extract what is due. but there are free ones provided by courts and charities in many countries.
    via u/ridik_ulass
  • 22
    RubyKitsune NTA - at the end of the day, Frank doesn't believe that a parent should support their child. That should definitely go for him too.
    via u/RubyKitsune
  • 23
    The fact he tried to hide it all from you speaks volumes. He knew you wouldn't support the decision so he tried to hide your grandchild from you so he could effectively still extort you for money. Sounds like you're nothing but a savings account to him, to be honest.
    via u/RubyKitsune
  • 24
    KombuchaBot His brother also has the same attitude to some extent. "Yes he did abandon his gf and his child but you technically promised him that money"
    via u/KombuchaBot
  • 25
    The money was for his family and was used correctly. He doesn't get to make the savvy decision to make his child homeless and then get financially rewarded for it
    via u/KombuchaBot
  • 26
    RubyKitsune His brother is just worried that if the parents stop funding.. he's next on the list to be asked for handouts and he doesn't want it. "Oh but you got your money so you can afford to help me, now."
    via u/RubyKitsune
  • 27
    leelaitshere 100%, Frank really seems to have a twisted sense of entitlement here. The fact that he tried to hide the baby and then blamed you for supporting the child's well-being instead of his own selfishness is next level. Honestly, it feels like he saw you as a fallback plan for his own life, but as soon as things got real, he didn't want to step up. You did the right thing protecting that baby and supporting Nadine. He's got a lot of growing up to do.
    via u/leelaitshere
  • 28
    lexiecutiee Exactly, it really does show his true colors. He didn't just ditch his responsibilities, he also tried to hide the situation so he could keep using you like an ATM. It's honestly wild how he's blaming you for choosing the child's well-being over his selfishness. You definitely made the right call. Frank needs a wake-up call.
    via u/lexiecutiee
  • 29
    Junior-Author6225 NTA. You prioritized your granddaughter's needs. Frank is being selfish.
    via u/Junior-Author6225
  • 30
    CeramicSavage Nta. It was your money. I think what you did for your granddaughter was admirable. It's not your fault Frank turned out to be a deadbeat. You did your best. Frank made his choice and you made yours.
    via u/CeramicSavage
  • 31
    ΝΤΑ Sharp_Dimension9638 Personally, I wouldn't have told him that you gave the money to Nadine. I would have told him, "As you do not believe parents should support their children, we followed your beliefs and no longer have that fund for you. It was redistributed."
    via u/Sharp_Dimension9638

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responsibility baby Female Empowerment adulting motherhood reddit story relationships parenting couples love entitled pregnant reddit thread red flag Reddit Parenting Fail family drama
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